their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
