Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Someone signed my nipple.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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