ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
