What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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