Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she peed on how many people?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
