I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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