Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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