he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
