I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
