haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
