make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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