I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
