bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
