I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
