Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
