you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
