Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
