I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
