dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
