If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the condom got lost in my hair
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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