You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
