My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
