check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
