I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
