I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
