Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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