I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
