i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
