By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
is that a dick in a sweater?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
