ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We left an ass print on the piano.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
