Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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