Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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