I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
