we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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