the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
