Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
