Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
