Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
