so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
