Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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