I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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