Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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