My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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