Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
