There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
