So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think i have two assholes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
