You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
