doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
