He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
