shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
