I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
