I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
