This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
